Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you pray for something and right away God seems to answer your prayers?
Well, that’s exactly what happened to me. I’d made the mistake of scrolling down on Facebook, which I intentionally choose to avoid doing so for this very reason. I find that when I do take a look at what others are posting that’s either oh so great about their lives or oh so bad about their lives, I find that I start feeling really bad about myself.
Then I have to go through the whole self-talk of reassuring and reminding myself that I am not put here on this earth to compare myself to anyone at all. My mental health is so much more important.
But nonetheless, I had the bright idea to be nosey and scroll down an associate’s page who, by the way, is a wonderful Muslimah, and is doing some wonderful things in the community with the gifts that Allah has given her, Alhamdullilah (all praise and thanks to God).
For the rest of that day and then up until the next morning’s Fajr (before sunrise) prayer, I was tripping, yall. Like, really “in my feelings”. Instead of me practicing having positive self-talk, I had negative self-talk all while replaying the images of her on stage sharing her beautiful gift and sitting on panels…hmmm (in my inner 4-year-old pouting voice). Now, I know how to get myself back on track because I’ve had plenty of practice with doing so. But it was like I could not shake this negativity I was feeling about myself.
And then, Subhanallah (Glory to God) – my alert for Fajr prayer sounded…
My fajr prayer routine includes the 2 rakats or units, 100 supplications of Allah – 33 Alhamdulillah, 33 Subhanallah, and lastly 34 Allahuakbar or God is the greatest; followed by my duas or me calling out and asking God for whatever it is I need, and lastly reading of a few verses of a translation of the Quran. Now, this may seem to be quite a bit, but it usually only takes me about 15 minutes or so.
This particular day’s dua (prayer) included that this negativity that I’d been feeling be made easy for me and that I remain patient during this self-inflicting difficult time. And afterward, I felt better. I was reminded that I just needed to be patient (yes, easier said than done).
And then, something amazing happened…
I opened up my Quran and started reading, picking up where I left off from the day before. Then I got to this verse:
“Do not regard with envy the wordly benefits We have given some of them, for with these We seek only to test them. The provision of your Lord is better and more lasting.” 20:131
Yall, first I read –
“Do not regard with envy the worldly benefits We have given some of them…”
I felt so much shock that I had to put the Quran down! To myself, I said “Did God just answer my prayers…that fast?! Subhanallah! Is he telling me that I should not concern myself with what others have been given or with what they’re doing?!”
I gathered myself and finish reading the rest of the verse –
“…for with these, We seek only to test them. The provision of your Lord is better and more lasting.”
From the last sentence of the verse, I take it to mean that what God is providing me is better and lasting for me; he hasn’t provided me with the same opportunities or gifts as others because what I have is what’s best for me.
After a moment of breaking that verse down, I cried. But, the tears didn’t come from sadness; they came from the awe that is Allah! He spoke to me, influenced my mindset for the better in such a way that all I could do was thank Him! Thank Him for bringing me Islam.
I am connected to God in a way that, before Islam, I hadn’t experienced before. My relationship with Allah is growing and getting stronger and stronger, especially when He allows me to experience moments like this one.
Just as Yasmin Mogahed says in this video, the prescription of the 5 daily prayers is there to increase Muslims’ relationship with God and remind us of whose we are, and why we are put here on this earth. These 5 times of worship aren’t just obligatory; they’re an incredible gift from God, Alhamdulilah!
And this gift got me out of my sorrowfulness, and back to a mindset of – I am here, as I am, with my gifts from Allah, for a reason, and you are, too.
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Jonquil's Convert Journey 